Sunday, May 31, 2009

Screamin' Meamie

Everything's making you cry this weekend little Mama'sConjoinedTwin Boy. I tried all the emergency back ups: Blue's Clues, Baby Bumblebee, Tylenol. Nothing's working. You just want Mama to hold you and walk you around.

Actually, the only real exception to your yelly screamy fits this weekend was when we took you and your sister to the grocery store. You were a total angel in there. Too bad your sissy decided to be That Kid. We might have stayed there all day otherwise.

Now your yelling at your dad and giving him backward flops. You're going to end up on your head doing that. Then you'll really have something to cry about.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Synchronized Pooping

My kids are on the same poop schedule. I think it's convenient. I just have one time during the day to deal with all the "another person's poop" nastiness, then it's done.

Mr. Awesomeness, on the other hand, had his world come crashing down on him when he discovered poop in the potty chair while he was on his way to throw away a poop diaper.


Ahem, I mean, aw, that sucks dude.

We're in this together

If you're sad, TerribleToothTime Boy, then I'm sad.

If you're happy, then I'm happy.

If you're miserable because your teeth feel like razor blades are cutting your mouth apart and you can't eat or sleep, then I'm miserable too.

I'm also not eating or slee....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Prairie Dog Tooth

Gosh, Mr. Gummy Bear, can we just be done with these damn things already? You have one tooth that likes to poke out for a day, then I don't see it again for about a week, then I swear I see it, but your Dada can't. What's the deal?

Today the whole left corner is sticking out. Or it would be the right corner if I were in your mouth. Will I see it tomorrow?

Stay tuned.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Watchin' Mickey!!!

Watchin' Mickey, Mama!!! Watchin' Mickey!! Hopper! Hopper!

This is what MickeyAddictedMartha wakes up to tell me every morning. This is the first thought on her little mind the second she sees me. She's obsessed with watching this.

About a month ago, I was feeling really nostalgic and hunted down a video my sisters and I used to watch ad nauseum. On Vacation With Mickey Mouse And Friends. It, naturally, is about Mickey and his friends and what they're doing on their vacations. All the while, Jiminy Cricket (Hopper!) is trying to track them down so they can star in a show he wrote. About being on vacation.

After Jiminy spends the whole 30 minutes or so trying to find them to pitch them his awesome script, Mickey, Donald and Goofy decide that they just can't do that show because Minnie isn't in it. So it's off to Hawaii where Minnie is currently on vacation.

You know what's always pissed me off about all that? Minnie is barely in the episode that Mickey, Donald and Goofy write up. They just wanted to play in Hawaii on the studio's dime.

Jiminy was robbed. Mickey and his friends are a bunch of ingrates.


All day long, we were at your mercy CanineToothCrybaby. I can actually say that I can sympathize, because my wisdom teeth are coming in and it sucks. We gave you some Tylenol, teething toys. We pretty much let you chew on anything that couldn't possibly make you sick or kill you.

I don't know what else to do for you. I wish I could MacGuyver up some sort of miracle tooth-pain concoction for you, but I don't got skillz. I hope you feel better today because Mama's pain in her tooth and pain in her head doesn't leave room for a pain-in-the-ass.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Aw man!

I was really looking forward to spending the day with my little CrazyChick. It had been a while since we've spent time alone. I had some fun things planned. The only sticky part: I had to take her in for her annual wellness visit first.

No shots or anything, so I was thinking that it wouldn't be all that bad. She might get a little impatient with sitting in the exam room, but I brought a book and her Leapster, so I figured we were covered if it wasn't too long.

It wasn't the long wait that did us in though, it was her long memory. She was called into the hallway and it immediately hit the fan. She started screaming bloody murder. She hasn't gotten any shots in 2 years, but she remembers. Ugh.

I couldn't even talk to her doctor. Forget trying to take her temperature or do any sort of a physical exam. Her doctor actually made fun of me when I said that we were going to take her to the dentist in a couple of months. Well, so far, the dentist hasn't given her any shots, so I'm pretty sure she'll be fine. If not, that'll be her dad's problem anyway.

Afterward, we went to visit the girls at work. They made her feel better. Which was good because our next stop was the preschool we were hoping to enroll her in. She was good for us there. Whew!

I thought I'd take her out for a little bit of shopping because she'd been so good (since the doctor's office), but about 20 minutes out from the store I hear this weird noise. I look up into the rearview just in time to see her vomiting all over herself.

Carsick Cathy strikes again.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Well, I'm Either Brave Or Stupid

According to your Dada, NaturalDisasterGirl, I'm incredibly stupid. I took the rails off your crib and made it into a day bed. The first night you fell out of bed, thus proving your father right. I spent 1/2 the night -- part of it with your brother -- in your room because you were afraid of falling again. It seemed like kind of a failure and I was considering just putting your crib back together.

Mom doesn't really give up that easily though. The next day, I did what I should have done the first day: install the toddler bed rail. Mama would have been an instant hero on the first night if she would have just figured that out.

It's been 3 nights and counting in your toddler bed with not a single incident of you getting up out of the bed to play -- aka trash your room.

Suck it Dada. Who's da man? Mama.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

I'm Going Home

We bought Ms. BossOfEverything an inflatable bouncer last year for her birthday. We set it up in her Dada's office because that was where we had space. (Also, because Dada's room is full of pestilence and doom, so we wanted her to have a safe place to play.)

Last August, when her brother was born, we had to take it down because I needed that downstairs space to set up a temporary bedroom to make it easier to care for her brother.

We decided to put the bouncer back up yesterday, because, frankly she is a psycho and needs another outlet for entertainment that doesn't involve wrestling her 9 month old brother, crawling on the counters or jumping Mama like a spider monkey.

She has now declared that the bouncer is her home. Whenever she gets mad at us, she says, "I wanna go home." Fine then. Go. She runs to her bouncer.

It's fun until she actually has to sit in time-out. She screeches the whole time about wanting to go home. It's also fun until she decides that her brother needs to be "home". She usually remedies his lack of home occupation by grabbing him by his head and neck and trying to drag him in there. "C'mon baby brother! C'mon! Go home!" Yeah, home to Broken Neckville.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Bam! Bam!

Dear Mr. Cavebaby:

When you want Mama's attention, beating her in the chest with your fists and grabbing her by her hair and turning her head to look at you, are not the best options.

Other, cuter and less painful choices would include: saying "Mama", snuggling into me, or giggling sweetly. Why don't you work on those 3 things. Come up with one or two you like the best and use that instead of the punchy, grabby thing you do now.



Monday, May 11, 2009

Attention Evil Aliens:

You have stolen my daughter and I want her back. The clone that you replaced her with is defective. It likes to play with sweet peppers and sticks chocolate ice cream in its butt.

For Mother's Day, it decided to unlock the front door, run out, then almost get hit by a car. We had to install a chain on our door. We expect a full refund of the purchase price, plus $20 extra for the time it took to put it up.

A short time later, it decided to write on our bathroom walls with permanent marker. I have full estimates from a few qualified painters in the area for your consideration. We'll expect your decision at the end of this week.

It finished out the evening by screaming bloody murder for an hour. Apparently it was after my daughter's stuffed animals, because the minute I put 12 of them in her bed with it, it quit crying and went to sleep.

The plus side is: I managed not to hit the damn thing. The down side: I had to spend the majority of Mother's Day trying not to hit it.

Just take it back.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Welcome To The Thorny Threes

Little Miss !!Presents!! got a zoo trip for her birthday. We had a blast....until we said no to something for the first time. Little girl, Mama thinks that the goats and deer in the petting zoo are terribly cute, but they stink and so does Mama now from stepping in their crap for 1/2 an hour. So, no I don't want to stay for the rest of the day while you frolic with them.

They also like to eat clothes. Mama likes her clothes baby. Mama also doesn't want to explain to Dada that the reason why she's 1/2 naked is because the goat didn't get enough fiber that morning.

Screaming for the rest of the zoo trip taught you a valuable lesson: if you want to go to cool places like the zoo, don't scream your head off like a brat. I don't remember a time that we left faster from anywhere.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Channeling Rip Van Winkle

Little Snoozy Boy! You took a 2 hour nap last night before we got home. You were in bed by 8:00 and only woke up once for about 5 minutes last night. Thank you for sleeping in until 7:30. That's always an unexpected treat.

But, uh, dang little dude. That's a lot of sleeping. You didn't even sleep that much as a newborn. I hope this is about your teeth and not a sign of illness.