Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Persistence...It Does Not Pay

Sassypants was living up to her screen name all over the place today.  When I got home, I discovered that she asked for noodles for dinner and didn't eat them.  That's a deal breaker in this house and results in requests for additional food to go ignored.

She doesn't care, she makes them anyway.


SassyPants: Can I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Awesomeness: No.  You didn't eat your dinner.  I'm not giving you more food to waste.
SassyPants: But I neeeeeeed a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!
Awesomeness: No.  I already told you no.  Don't ask again.
SassyPants: But mooooooom, I neeeeeeed a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Awesomeness: If you neeeeeeeeded a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, you should have aaaaaaaaaasked for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  You didn't.  You asked for noodles, you didn't eat the noodles, you go hungry.
SassyPants: But...
Awesomeness: No.  You're not getting your way.  Stop asking.  Give it up.

She meant it too.  As I'm typing this post, she is still insisting that I need to make her a sandwich.  Sassypants, meet Ignorasaurus Rex.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Faux-hawk Hero

HairyHarry needed a haircut.  He was starting to look really shaggy and my horrible haircutting atrocities that I thought I'd so cleverly hidden were starting to shine through.  It was time to take action.

This is a picture from a couple of days ago:

Look at his sweet little curls.  I hate to cut them off, but I know I would go ballistic the first time someone commented on my "sweet little girl" so I had to do it.

I decided to get it over with this morning after their bath, but before I lost my nerve.  I hate cutting my kids' hair.  It's really evident afterward that I shouldn't handle anything more dangerous than safety scissors.  Despite better judgement, I start hacking away...

...and he starts squirming and screaming bloody murder.  Twenty minutes later, and ten minutes of Mr. A holding him down, he looks like someone attacked him with a weed whacker.  I can't send him to school like that.  All the other 2-year-olds will make fun of him.

Later, I get the idea that I could easily even things out with Mr. A's beard trimmer.  (Every mom who is reading this is facepalming right here.)  I can give you the soundtrack of how that went:






Oh, shit.

And so on, for about 15 minutes.

It was clear that there was no easy way to get through this one, so I just said, "fuck it."


I'm going to have to keep this kid in hair gel to make it look like this was what I was going for the whole time. The fact that it wasn't will just be our secret.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Green Eggs And Ham For Breakfast

Breakfast is really granola this morning, but we're watching the '70s cartoon adaptation of Green Eggs and Ham at the same time.

HenryHollers-a-lot likes to "sing" along with the songs, which I find cute.  Apparently ShushyShirley does not appreciate his enthusiasm.

Shirley: You are a bad BABY!

She explodes out of her chair and grabs her brother, dragging him away from his breakfast.

Awesomeness: What are you doing?  Let your brother eat his food.
Shirley: He keep yelling at the moobie.  He needs to go to time out.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Generally Speaking

Today, in the kids' speech therapy, LiteralLulu was playing a game that challenged her to think about the general categories of objects on a flashcard.  She was doing great until she got a card where the items seemed unrelated to her at first.

Speech Therapist: Okay, Lulu, what do you see here?
LiteralLulu: I see a lettuce (actually this is peas, but she calls all green vegetables lettuce...), a (green) frog, a (green) tree, and Oscar the Grouch (also green).
Speech Therapist: Why are all of those things the same?
LiteralLulu: Nooooooo, those things are different.
Speech Therapist: They seem different, but they have something in common.  Do you know what that is?
Speech Therapist: (trying to be helpful) These are all the same because these are all....
LiteralLulu: THINGS!


Sunday, October 17, 2010

I'll Get Right On That

This morning was not good for me.  After an entire week of having half the world in my face from sun up to sun down, my mind and body just crashed and burned.  I got the kids up, thinking I could manage if I could get them fed and then engaged in something.  No, I was done.  I needed more sleep.

That's what I thought I needed anyway, DoctorDotty had a different opinion.

DoctorDotty: What you doin' Mama?
Awesomeness: I need more rest sweetie, so I'm just going to lie here for a while.
DoctorDotty: You no go to sleep Mama!
Awesomeness: I really need sleep honey.  If you need something, can you get your dad please?
DoctorDotty: Mama, you need go poopoo.
Awesomeness: I don't honey.  I don't feel like I have to go poopoo at all.
DoctorDotty: Yes Mama.  You need go poopoo so you feel better.

What do you say to that?  I just threw a blanket over my head and went to sleep.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Good Night Moon

Last Christmas, BedtimeBetty's dad gave her the moon.  A Moon In My Room, anyway.  Even after a year, she's still excited about her moon and spends time every night clicking it to whichever phase makes her most happy.  Last night her moon -- and her heart -- broke.

BedtimeBetty: I want my moooooooon! 
Awesomeness: Aw, don't cry baby, you can see your moon tomorrow.
Mr. Awesomeness: Your moon is broken honey.  We need to fix it.
BedtimeBetty: You fix my moon please? 
Mr. Awesomeness: We can't fix it right now, we need to go to the store to fix your moon.
Awesomeness: The store is closed right now, baby girl.
Mr. Awesomeness: And it's on fire.
Awesomeness: And it's been abducted by aliens.
Mr. Awesomeness: Don't worry honey.  Tomorrow the aliens will return the store and put out the fire.  Ni' night.

We checked this morning and sure enough, the store is exactly where it should be.  It's also not on fire.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The Cat What?

TashaTattleTale: Mama! Mama!  The kitty has a rock.
Awesomeness: Uh.  The kitty has a rock?  Is that what you said?
TashaTattleTale: Yeah! The kitty has a rock.
Awesomeness: Okaaaaay.  Thanks for letting me know.

I look at the cat, who does not appear to have anything that even remotely looks like a rock.  I have no idea what this kid is talking about.

TashaTattleTale: The kitty sit on himself.
Awesomeness: What the wha?  The kitty sat on herself?
TashaTattleTale: Yeah, he was on the stairs and he sat on himself.

Duly noted.....

A few minutes later:

TashaTattleTale: We need go wash my foot.  It's stinky.
Awesomeness: How did your foot get stinky?
TashaTattleTale: Kitty peed the floor and I step in it.
Awesomeness: .......

I had her show me where the alleged cat pee was and there was nothing.  Odd.

About a half an hour later the kids' speech therapist came over and the cat decided she was going to be friendly today.  This is when I noticed a piece of crap stuck to the cat's butt.

"The kitty sit on himself."  Yes, she did indeed shit on herself.  I'm also thinking we solved the mystery of the "rock" the kitty had.  The cat pee?  I haven't found it yet and I'm not looking for it.