Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Klingon Overlord

I'm sorry your teeth hurt Little Buddy. I really am. I know it's been a long time since my teeth were all growing in for the first time, but I do have an inkling of what you're going through.

What I'm confused about is what clinging to me every second of every day is supposed to do to help you. Do you realize that I'm actually relieved to go to work because your added 16 pounds is a lot more tiring than anything my work day would have to offer?

Cut your poor old mom some slack, kid.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Would you like a chocolate-covered pretzel?


Floor? Would you like a chocolate-covered pretzel?

How 'bout you rug?

I guess there's a little left over for you beige-colored rocking chair.

Don't think I'm going to leave you out walls. You need chocolate the most.

Sweatshirt, tell me you saved a little room at dinner time, 'cuz I got plenty for you too.

And hair? I hear you like sugary, sticky stuff....

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


That's the sound I've been listening to from you all night long, Bratty Cathy. Holy crap kid. Would you like a dumptruck of cheese to go with your oil tanker of whine?

What was that funny noise you ask? I'm surprised you could hear it over your ceaseless crybabying. Honey, that would be Mama's head exploding. It makes a funny popping sound, huh?

I will pay lots of attention to you when you start using your big girl words. Until then, you are banished to Ignoreland.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Search and Destroy

Well, mostly destroy and destroy, right Miss HappyHurricane? Mama was going to have an easy day yesterday because your Dada was totally willing to hang out with you at his friend's house. So, how do you show your appreciation? By trashing the place. Dada had a lot of mess to clean up, then you got to come home early. Lucky me.

While you were gone, Mama had a chance to clean up our own pig sty. 0.00003 seconds. That's how long it took you to completely rip it apart again. I think that might be a new record.

This morning what do I wake up to? You've gotten into your drawers and pulled all your socks, underwear and pajamas out and scattered them all over your bedroom. Do you know how many socks you have? I sure had no idea until I went on an Easter sock hunt in your bedroom. You've got, like, 20 pairs of socks. I'm thinking it's time to clean those out.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Thirsty Bird

Miss MustHaveWaterNow, I am feeding your brother. You will have to wait a minute if you'd like for me to get you water. Your other option: go ask your dad. This goes something like this:

Missy: Water Mama, Water Mama, Water Mama, Water Mama.....Waaaaaaatteeeeer Maaaaamaaaaaa...(whining ensues)
Awesomeness: Baby, I'm feeding your brother. Just give me a minute okay.
M: (Howls like I just told her the Easter Bunny isn't real, then grabs my hand and starts pulling.)
A: Patience, little one. Patience. Give Mama a couple more minutes.
M: (Howls like I just told her she can NEVER HAVE WATER AGAIN.)
A: Honey, go ask your Dada for water.
M: (Immediately quits crying and runs for her dad's office. Ten minutes later, she immerges without her dad or her cup.)
A: Um, did you get water?
M: Water Mama! (Runs to get her cup.)
A to Mr. A: Did she even ask you for water?
Mr. A: (Baffled look on his face) No. Why? Did she want water?

Arg. Kid. Seriously. If you want water, just ask for water. If you want Mom to wait on you hand and foot, don't hold your breath.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Aw! Mama's Boy

Your first word was Mama. All day long, "mama mama mama mama mama mama". That's my little guy!

Of course, your dada's jealous. He thinks you're not bros anymore. So let's work on some "dada" now so he doesn't feel quite so left out.