Front Room Banana Peel Farming?

Today's activities get me curious as to what MaryQuiteContrary has planted under my living room floor. Whatever it is, she feels the need to water it constantly. We just cleaned up 5 huge puddles of water from various spots on the floor.

How did we discover the water? When InnocentBystanderBoy slipped and fell on his ass. Good thing it's padded. No sooner did we get that cleaned up, then she slips and falls in another puddle a few feet away. On our way to another towel to clean that up, we discover 3 more.

So now I've got 2 babies with bruised psyches who want Mama to snuggle them back to 100% betterness. This forces me and Mr. A to do this weird kid-juggle-a-thon until both of them get settled down.

If I'm looking for a bright side, I guess I could say that those spots on my floor are a little bit cleaner now.

Crib - It's Actually A Torture Device

Now we get to solve the mystery of why KidKribophobe is suddenly refusing to sleep in his crib. Little man will sleep in his Pack 'n Play just fine -- which can't be nearly as comfortable -- but acts like the crib is a medieval dungeon torture chamber.

I've spent every night this last week on the couch downstairs because, otherwise, this kid howls so loud that cats in heat throw shoes at him. I can't take it. I'm sleep deprived to the max and I don't care if I'm indulging bad habits. I'll worry about that when I'm better rested.

My current theories:

1. He doesn't prefer the crib mattress.
2. Dada's snoring sounds like an asthmatic dragon is loose in the room.
3. The shiny box with the colorful talking dogs is downstairs, so this is where he wants to be.
4. When Mama is super sleepy she is not nearly as attentive. This means he gets to play with the good toys. Like Mama's shoes or Sissy's potty chair. (Yeah, I should work on that....)
5. He's just a little jerk. (This is always my default "when all else fails" theory. It's lazy thinking, but it is also a plausible assumption.)

BuzzardBoy

Looky here little dude. Your sister needs to be able to eat in peace. You're harassing her during her meals and it needs to stop.

You circle around her table making very aggressive grabs for her food. This forces her to have to also circle the table to stay a step ahead of you. Then she wants to get mad and push you down. While I have to put my foot down about the shoving, I also can say that I can't blame her for getting frustrated.

I've been cooking you the same foods as her every meal that I can. Do pancakes really taste better on her plate than they do on your high chair tray? They must because you didn't touch yours, but you're wolfing hers down.

I've tried putting your food on the edge of the table and letting you eat on the other side. Nope. If it's not on Sissy's plate, it's not the good stuff.

We'll keep trying, but, if all else is failing, you're going to be confined to your playpen for the duration of her meals. Keep in mind, we're talking about your sister. You know, the girl who takes and hour 1/2 to eat 5 mini pancakes. Not good times for you, buddy, so shape up.

Family Camp In - Day 2

Subtitled: Who's stupid idea was this again?

Disclaimer: What's with the bugs Blogger? Why can't I put spaces between my paragraphs? I'll try to make it easier on the eyes for everyone.

So the second night did not go nearly as well as the first. Neither of the kids were interested in sleep until around midnight. There's not really a good way to keep them both settled down at the same time. The minute she's bored or bothered, she cries and whines, which keeps him up. He makes sure to return the favor. Apparently only Dada and I need sleep.

LavaLass had mostly cooled down. We still monitored her during the night for good measure, but she never got back above 100. She did get cold though. She kept kicking her covers off, then waking up because she's cold. I don't know why she's not making the mental connection to just put her blanket back on, but she chose to start crying and walking around the house instead.

Of course, this wakes her brother up, who now has to be walked around and patted. We finally get her back into bed and put her blankets on. BrotherBerserko is cuddled back to sleep.

Fast forward to one hour later, when that whole mess gets repeated. No one got any sleep. This will officially end our family camp in adventure.

Family Camp In - Day 1

Neither the Mr. nor I wanted to leave LavaHead Lucy by herself last night, so we planned a family living room "camp in." Mr. A took the couch, I got the love seat, BiteyBoy camped out in his playpen, La'H'Lu' got her mattress on the floor.

In front of the TV.

Now, we have a tendency to cater to the girl when she's sick. It's not the ideal thing to do, but when your normally hyperactive firecracker is glassy-eyed and staring at the wall for almost an hour, it's hard to deny her request to watch Baby Deer (Bambi) even though Dada prefers root canals.

We watched Over The Hedge 3 times. Wall-E twice. We also found out that the menu sequence for Over The Hedge plays a semi horn. See my gripe about the dumbasses that make DVDs.

All in all, it went better than I thought. The fever broke around 3:30. Somehow, everyone actually got some sleep in between the truck horn and the alarm going off every couple of hours.

We're going for a repeat performance tonight. Wish us retroactive luck.

Mystery Solved

Well, SisterSickopants, your Father's Day present to Dada this morning was to be a puking fireball of a daughter. He got to wake up early to your very loud crying, followed closely by your very loud vomit noises. Now we know why you were so fascinated with going to see the doctor yesterday.

As a special treat, your Dada got to make an early morning trip to Walgreen's for medicine, Gatorade and a thermometer that doesn't totally suck. Your temperature this morning, according to the one we had, was somewhere between 97 and 107 degrees. I had a feeling that the three 102 degree readings were more accurate, but I'd rather be sure.

Maybe next week we can take him out for a nice lunch like we were going to this week. In the meantime, rest up HotHeadHannah.

Somewhere? Anywhere?

My little GoGoGirl is getting all kinds of spoiled on leaving the house several times during the week now. Every day she thinks we should go bye-bye. This morning I found out she doesn't even care where we're going, she just wants to leave.

When I went in to her room this morning:

"We're going to the blue house?" (her name for school)
"Nope. Not today baby."
"We're going to the store?"
"Not if I can help it."
"We're going to the doctor?"
"Nope, not going to .... what'd you say? Where're we going?"
"We're going to the doctor!"
"What the hell! You hate the doctor!"
"No, no, no! I luvva doctor!"
"No you don't. You cried when we were there."
"No, no, no! I luvva doctor!"
"You're crazy."

Ahoy Captain Ridiculous!

Are you ready to assume your new position BabyFormerlyKnownAsHappyBoy? Here are your Captain Ridiculous duties:

• Stay up until midnight -- at the earliest -- every night. No exception.
• Refuse to eat unless someone is holding you. Make sure you mix this up with refusing to eat if someone is holding you. This is crucial for maximum confusion and frustration.
• Only play with things that will hurt or kill you. Nothing else is all that much fun anyway. Especially if someone paid good money for it. Paying good money for toys when there are perfectly good forks laying around is just silly.
• When you're being held, scream and squirm as much as possible. Then when you're put down, scream louder and throw yourself back, so your parents have to quickly pick you back up before you crack your head on the floor. They love this. It's good exercise.
• Speaking of screaming, make sure that you always do it at a decibel level that will alert the entire neighborhood to your displeasure. Maybe one of those guys will know why you're screaming so loud that Mama's ears are bleeding.
• Mama's laptop is the best toy ever. That's why she plays on it so much. It's fun to pound on the keyboard. It's even more fun to pull on the monitor while Mama's typing. Unplugging it, then chewing on the plug is the ultimate fun.
• Confuse your parents often with deep eye rubs followed by vehement sleep protests. Lack of sleep is good for you. It will grow hair on your chest.
• Dinner is your enemy. Make sure it never gets cooked. Distract Mama and Dada by combining the "crying while clinging to pants" technique learned earlier this year with perennial favorite, "making fake choking noises."
• If you do find yourself in the unfortunate position of almost falling asleep, quickly turn your head to dislodge the bottle. This will give you that extra jolt you need to completely wake up for at least another hour.

Your job is a difficult and thankless one. Good luck Captain.

Preschool - Take 2

I need to talk to these people. When I called at lunch time, they had mentioned that she had 2 accidents and that she actually ate lunch. Disappointment for the potty thing, but I am encouraged that she ate Sloppy Joes. My kid ate meat.

At the end of the day, when we picked her up, there was a "report card" waiting for the day. It listed what she ate and the activities she participated in. It was cute! They listed her disposition as "busy" and her best friend for the day as "everyone". Yup, sounds like my girl.

Then I look at the napping section and it says she slept for 1/2 an hour. Hmmmmm. No, I don't think so. I notice also that it says she ate all of her lunch. I know for a fact that she didn't. When I called, they said that she ate 1/2 her lunch.

Then I see that her name is spelled incorrectly at the top. I know there's a kid that shares her name there, and that kid spells their name that way.

Ugh. They gave me the wrong kid's report card.

Why We Stay Home

Yesterday, I thought it would be fun to get the kids out of the house and hang out somewhere else for a while. After about an hour, I remembered why we don't ever do this. Our friends that we go visit don't live in a babyproof home. They're 3 bachelors, so not so much as one outlet cover and crap is laying out everywhere. This was my visit repeated on a loop for about 7 hours:

Get out of the cat food.
Get out of the dog water.
Get out of the toilet.
Stop playing with the drums please.
Get out of the cat food.
No eating the iPhone.
Stop climbing the cat stand.
Get out of his bedroom.
Don't put your face in the doggy's face.
Get out of the cupboards.
Stop pushing the buttons on the water dispenser.
Get out of the dog water.
You don't need to get into the litter box.
Stop stealing their chips off the counter.
Get out of the fridge.
Don't play with the electrical outlets.
Get out of the cat food.
That kitty's sleeping and he doesn't like you anyway.
Do you have something to clean up puke with?
Get out of the dog water.
Don't turn the dishwasher on.
Eat your granola at the table please.
Stop turning the lights on.
Get out of the fridge.
No climbing the entertainment center.
No you can't play with their flashlight.
Get out of the cat food.
Stop pushing the buttons on the water dispenser.
Is it time to go yet?