I Want My Blankies Back

I have three throw blankets that hang around the living room waiting for me to catch a chill.  They never have to wait for very long, as I'm pretty much a lizard.  Recently, the kids have decided that, no matter how many of their own blankets are around, they need to use mine.  Usually as a napkin or toilet.

Right now I'm shivering and hunched over my laptop, using its heat to keep my hands from frosting over (which is also why I'm posting for a second time today--I've got to keep moving) and where are my blankets?

Blanket #1: The boy fell asleep in it the other night, so I left him in it to take him to bed.  What I failed to notice on the way up is that he spilled milk on it.  Later that night he got mad about the no bottle thing and it got kicked underneath his bed.  This is where I found it this morning.  Stinking like four day old milk.  It's in the washing machine right now.

Blanket #2: This is a huge black and gray comforter.  Not really a "throw" blanket, but sometimes I get really, really cold and a little, fuzzy butt-cover just won't do.  Right now it's missing.  I know the kids took it somewhere and did something with it, but now I can't find it.  Where would it be if I could find it?  In the wash with the throw.  The last time I saw the thing, my boy had peed on it while napping.

Blanket #3: Is in the car and I'm not touching it.  Carsick Cathy barfed on it.  Even if I washed it, I would know it used to have puke on it and, therefore, would not cover myself with it.  I'm a weirdo.  Someday, I will trick Mr. A into removing it from the car for me and then I will kill it with fire.

Yes the car smells.

Really though, it would smell anyway because of the fast food bags in the back.  And because of the week old coffee mug I keep forgetting to bring in.

Now this is getting gross, but I can't stop typing.

Eeeew Mama!

I'm sitting on the couch, staring ineffectively at my Blogger Dashboard.  I'm procrastinating posting because _____insert lame reason here_____ when...

LuluLoveBug comes up and gives me a great big hug.  Awwww....  Then proceeds to tell me:

Eeeew Mama!  You hair is disgusting.  It smells dirty.  Bleh.

Apparently my Day 3 hair is grossing out my 3-year old.  I'm going to go shower.

Missing Ingredients

No matter what we're feeding FrankieFoodFiend, there's always 2 missing ingredients.  He adds them in a ritualistic fashion whenever he eats:

1. The first ingredient is hair.  Everything must be worn as a hat and smashed down flat before going on to the second ingredient...
2. Floor sprinkles.  When he's done mashing hair into his food, he drops it to the floor.  

He'll repeat this ritual until all of his food is laying on the floor, then he'll finally pick it up and eat it.

I spend a lot of money on baby shampoo and Swiffer cleaning pads.

Meet Filthy McNasty

Who is this pile of dirt with me?
That's my kid, Filthy McNasty!

She's cute underneath all the grime
It comes off for a limited time
Then back to school she goes
And from her head to her toes
She piles on crud by the pound
Leaves no speck of dust on the ground

 A walking pit of slime and pee
That's my kid, Filthy McNasty!