The Secret of the Kissue

SnottySuzie has a runny nose.  We've been running after the poor girl for the last day with tissue after tissue.  When she doesn't have one available, she'll use whatever's handy: her shirt, my shirt, her arm.  We're trying to break her of that habit.

Yesterday, when I caught her wiping her nose on her shirt:

Awesomeness:  Suzie, we don't wipe our nose on our shirt.  
SnottySuzie: But, Mama, I don't have a kissue. (I think she tries to combine the name Kleenex with the word tissue.)
Awesomeness: Well, then go grab some toilet paper instead.
SnottySuzie: Nooooooooo!  We don't wipe our nose with toilet paper.  We wipe our butt with toilet paper.
Awesomeness: Yes, we wipe our butt with toilet paper, but it's also okay to wipe our nose with it.
SnottySuzie: I need a kissue.  Then I blow my nose with a kissue.  Then I wipe, wipe, wipe my nose with a kissue.  Then that's how we get the Smurfs.

That has to be the most plausible explanation for the Smurfs I've ever heard.

Yeah, Bugs. What Were You Thinking?

LucyLooneyTunesFan has been obsessed with Looney Tunes lately.  It's cute.  Her favorite (right now) is Marvin the Martian.  She's apparently making plans to go to Mars and share a balloon with him...

Anyway, the one LTer who is on her naughty list right now: Bugs Bunny.  How did he end up annoying her?  Well, during one episode, he misses the left turn at Albuquerque (again) and ends up in a bull fighting ring.  He  pulls the usual Bugs Bunny bad ass moves and kicks the bull's butt.  At one point, Bugs starts making fun of the bull:

Bugs Bunny: What a nin-cow-poop!
LLTF: Cow poop?  No!  We don't say cow poop.  Cows are full of milk, not poop.

Oh, honey, I beg to differ.  I had an easier time affirming that the tooth fairy wasn't real.  I'll let her keep her cow theory for just a little while longer.

Green Eggs And Ham For Breakfast

Breakfast is really granola this morning, but we're watching the '70s cartoon adaptation of Green Eggs and Ham at the same time.

HenryHollers-a-lot likes to "sing" along with the songs, which I find cute.  Apparently ShushyShirley does not appreciate his enthusiasm.

Henry: AHHHH AH BAH BAH BAH!
Shirley: STOP YELLING!!
Henry: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO YES!
Shirley: YOU NO YELL BUDDY!  I CAN'T HEAR MY MOOBIE!!
Henry: AH BAH BAH BAH BAH!
Shirley: You are a bad BABY!

She explodes out of her chair and grabs her brother, dragging him away from his breakfast.

Awesomeness: What are you doing?  Let your brother eat his food.
Shirley: He keep yelling at the moobie.  He needs to go to time out.

The Lardass

Last night when we got home:

MollyWordMangler: Mama!  Mama!  Can I watch the lardass?
Awesomeness: Um......can you watch what, honey?
MollyWordMangler: The lardass!
Awesomeness: You want to watch the lardass?
MollyWordMangler: Yeah! Yeah!  Let's watch the lardass!!
Awesomeness: I'm not sure I know that one.  Can you tell me which one it is?
MollyWordMangler: It's the lardass.  He speak for the trees!
Awesomeness: You want to watch The Lorax?
MollyWordMangler: Yeah! The lardass!  He speak for the trees.

Too Much, Ya Think?

I'm beginning to think that we allow SuzieSquarePantsFan to watch a little too much SpongeBob SquarePants.  It's been her favorite show since she was a year old and she still frequently asks to watch old episodes.  Sometimes enough is enough though...

Suzie: I wanna watch more SpongeBob.
Awesomeness: No, ma'am.  We've seen enough of him for the day.
Suzie: I wanna just watch that one SpongeBob...
Awesomeness: No.  No more Bob for the day.
Suzie: Aw, barnacles!

Wile E. Coyote: Super Bad Coyote

It's Saturday morning cartoon time.  We're watching a classic Road Runner/Coyote cartoon.

LillyLooneyTunesFan: Look Mama!  It's a coyote! 
Awesomeness: Yep, that's the coyote.  What's he doing?
LillyLooneyTunesFan: The coyote is chasing the road runner.  He's a bad, bad coyote.
Awesomeness: Oh no!  What's that bad, bad coyote doing now?
LillyLooneyTunesFan: He gonna catch the road runner!
Awesomeness: What's he going to do when he catches the road runner?
LillyLooneyTunesFan: He gonna hit him!!

I Tawt I Taw A Birthday Tat!

So, the speech thing again with MissyMushMouth...She's coming along, but still has some struggles.  What she'll do sometimes is substitute words she's fairly unfamiliar with for words that sound similar.  Then, often, she will also choose to substitute those words for ... well, just words she likes better.

We're watching Looney Tunes (because I'm the best mom ever... *cough*) and it's one of the Sylvester / Tweety cartoons.  Tweety does his usual speech and MMM is fascinated.

MMM: Oooooh!  Mama, mama!  Look, he saw a birthday cat!!

Awesomeness: ... a what cat?

MMM:  Look!  It's the birthday cat!

Awesomeness:  No, sweetie he's a pus....yep, that's right, he's a birthday cat.  Good job, big girl.

Thank You Blue

Right now I'm pretty sick. NeedyNancy doesn't care if I'm half-dead, because she needs attention just the same. PaddyO'PlugNose is having whatever-it-is that I'm having illnesswise, so he's not giving me a moment's peace either.

I don't have the energy for chasing them. I don't have the voice to back up my lack of action. This could get really bad.

Good thing for all of us, we have several episodes of Blue's Clues on DVD. Both my kids are in love with the show and seemingly prefer watching it to, say, getting into the kitchen drawers or climbing onto the dining table, picking up their poop and smear it around th......................

Son of a bitch! I gotta go.

Family Camp In - Day 1

Neither the Mr. nor I wanted to leave LavaHead Lucy by herself last night, so we planned a family living room "camp in." Mr. A took the couch, I got the love seat, BiteyBoy camped out in his playpen, La'H'Lu' got her mattress on the floor.

In front of the TV.

Now, we have a tendency to cater to the girl when she's sick. It's not the ideal thing to do, but when your normally hyperactive firecracker is glassy-eyed and staring at the wall for almost an hour, it's hard to deny her request to watch Baby Deer (Bambi) even though Dada prefers root canals.

We watched Over The Hedge 3 times. Wall-E twice. We also found out that the menu sequence for Over The Hedge plays a semi horn. See my gripe about the dumbasses that make DVDs.

All in all, it went better than I thought. The fever broke around 3:30. Somehow, everyone actually got some sleep in between the truck horn and the alarm going off every couple of hours.

We're going for a repeat performance tonight. Wish us retroactive luck.

Watchin' Mickey!!!

Watchin' Mickey, Mama!!! Watchin' Mickey!! Hopper! Hopper!

This is what MickeyAddictedMartha wakes up to tell me every morning. This is the first thought on her little mind the second she sees me. She's obsessed with watching this.

About a month ago, I was feeling really nostalgic and hunted down a video my sisters and I used to watch ad nauseum. On Vacation With Mickey Mouse And Friends. It, naturally, is about Mickey and his friends and what they're doing on their vacations. All the while, Jiminy Cricket (Hopper!) is trying to track them down so they can star in a show he wrote. About being on vacation.

After Jiminy spends the whole 30 minutes or so trying to find them to pitch them his awesome script, Mickey, Donald and Goofy decide that they just can't do that show because Minnie isn't in it. So it's off to Hawaii where Minnie is currently on vacation.

You know what's always pissed me off about all that? Minnie is barely in the episode that Mickey, Donald and Goofy write up. They just wanted to play in Hawaii on the studio's dime.

Jiminy was robbed. Mickey and his friends are a bunch of ingrates.

Cartoon Violence and Drug Abuse

People complain about the content of the cartoons nowadays? I bought MissCouchPotatoHead a Mickey Mouse cartoon collection. I was thinking that she likes the new Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and she might enjoy something a little more old school.

The first cartoon features Mickey MCing a circus. Donald Duck has a group of trained seals that he directs to play music in exchange for fish. There is one little seal who is fairly precocious and always steals the fish. This angers Donald so much that at one point he pulls out a gun and starts shooting at the silly little seal.

The next cartoon starts out innocently enough with Mickey and Pluto doing some gardening. Mickey is tired of the bugs eating all of his plants, so he breaks out the bug spray. At some point Mickey falls in and is sent on this crazy acid trip where all the bugs are super huge and now he and Pluto have to fight them mano a mano style. The bugs are now so tough that they drink the bug poison and, not only don't die, but get drunk off their asses.

There's one a little while later where Donald thinks it's really funny to put ice skates on a sleeping Pluto so that, when he wakes up, he goes sliding all over and hurts himself. No one even so much as gets up to help the poor dog. Unlike the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Donald, this Donald is a complete asshat.

As illustrated in the next cartoon when they're all vacationing in Hawaii. Donald is doing the hula in a grass skirt -- which should indicate some type of chemical influence -- when his tailfeathers catch on fire. He goes screaming down the beach to the nearest pool of water. After extinguishing the fire, he stands up only to find a starfish attached to his ass. Well, Donnie, ya kinda sat on the guy. So the starfish is naturally a little bit grumpy. Donald yanks the thing off his butt and maliciously throws him down the beach. Was that really necessary? Couldn't you have just put him back where you found him?

Between shooting at seals, drunk bugs, and general sadism on Donald's part, I can actually sit here and say that today's cartoons are very tame by comparison. I'm going to put this video in every time I think one of my kids' shows might be toeing a line.