Anyone's Guess

What is this tantrum about? **turn your speakers down or off**



My guesses:

• You didn't nap
• You have a dirty diaper
• You're hungry
• You're cold
• You're congested
• You're teething
• Your sister hurt your feelings
• Your sister took a toy from you
• You were stung by a bee
• You got abducted by aliens and were subjected to an anal probe
• Your guidance counselor recommended Arm Pit Sniffer
• You are a cry-o-phile
• You saw your Dada naked
• You heard Wham! was getting back together
• You saw one of those awful E*Trade baby commercials
• You got locked in a dirty bathroom by a psychopath and had to saw off one of your feet
• You recognized the 3rd sign of the apocalypse
• No fucking reason whatsoever

I have eliminated all possibilities except that last one.

I Just Don't Know

I haven't been able to (yes, yes, I'll get you some juice) write much lately and I (stop biting my arm) really don't know what the (are you okay?  where's the booboo?) problem is. 

I have (no, we don't take off our peedy diapers and put them on Mama's laptop while she's typing) plenty of time and the kids (get that basket off your brother's head!) like playing together (give your sister back her train!).

Mr. A helps keep them out of my (is it time for PerpetuallySickPetunia's medicine?) hair so I can get stuff (GET OFF THE COUNTER!!!) done.  NappyTimeNorman still takes some (SHHH! No screaming while your brother's sleeping.  Let's play in your room.) pretty good naps.

It's just so (stop using my arm as a monkey bar) amazing how lazy I've been (get off my neck, you're choking me) lately about keeping (yes, we'll watch Team Umizoomi in a minute, Mama's busy) up with my blogs.  It's, like, worse than (quit crying in my face...I said in a minute) usual lately.

Maybe (aw, do your teeth hurt little buddy?) it's because I've been (GET OUT OF THE BLINDS YOUNG LADY!) sick this last week...

I mean I feel (where's your panties?  you had them on a second ago) much better and I'm getting plenty (stop pushing the couch into your brother) of rest.  There's really nothing (PUT DOWN MAMA'S WII!) stopping me from getting anything (I hear you, I'll get you a sandwich in a minute) done.  I just need to find (do you have to go potty?) some inspiration.  I might just (NO! NOT ON THE FLOOR!  WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!!?)...

I give up.

That Explains It

The last week or so has been particularly cruel.  SharkToothSeamus has been a screaming non-stop like he's being eviscerated.  The screams could freeze your soul.  He's not eating well, he's hardly sleeping at all.  It's been a nightmare.

Last night, I tried to keep him calm by playing with him.  I turned him upside down and he's actually laughing -- for once.  That's when I notice 8 new teeth.  8.  All at once.

This kid needs a trophy.  And some Motrin.

Confessions

• My son loves to dance to the theme song to South Park.

• When my daughter asks for candy, we give her ice cream sprinkles.

• We bought our daughter boy clothes.  My son now wears her hand-me-downs.

• When my son scrubbed his nuts with his toothbrush last night, we laughed as he stuck it back in his mouth.

• I sometimes refer to my son as 'Cuddles'.  I hope I outgrow that before he's a teenager.

Open Up And Say NNNNNOOOOOO!!

Monday was ToothyTina's first visit to a dentist. We've been getting a lot of pressure to take her to a pediatric dentist, but we thought we'd try to take her to the family dentist first. I don't know what advantages there are to the pediatric dentist, but I don't want to end up sitting in a place where some bozos are wearing clown suits and singing "Skip To My Lou" to drown out the drill.

So, in case you were wondering, this is exactly what I think of when someone mentions pretty much anything that caters strictly to children.

She was actually having a great time. There was a cool fountain in the waiting area that she looked at for quite some time. She also had a lot of fun comparing leaves on the plants. There was a cool video about tooth decay playing on a flat screen. A bobble head with braces. The staff was really nice to her and she was enjoying their company. The dentist even came out and asked her name and how old she was. She wasn't shy at all to tell him anything.

When it's time for her to go back to the room, Dada takes her back and all anyone hears is....
"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

Do you wanna brush the big play teeth?
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Do you wanna....
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

I had an appointment at the same time. I could hear cries followed by the assistants all running up and down the hall clucking, "She's crying. She won't even let Amy count her teeth."

Meanwhile, I'm slinking further down in my chair. I didn't expect her to love it there, but I was kinda hoping that someone would at least get a good look at her teeth. I don't think she has cavities, but I'd like a professional observation on that.

On the way out, she's got her little goody bag full of non-candy prizes. I ask her on the way home, "Did you like the dentist?" She says, "I luvva dentist!" We need to work on her definition of the word "luvva."

The good news: they didn't charge me for her visit. Pretty nice!

We're in this together

If you're sad, TerribleToothTime Boy, then I'm sad.

If you're happy, then I'm happy.

If you're miserable because your teeth feel like razor blades are cutting your mouth apart and you can't eat or sleep, then I'm miserable too.

I'm also not eating or slee....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Prairie Dog Tooth

Gosh, Mr. Gummy Bear, can we just be done with these damn things already? You have one tooth that likes to poke out for a day, then I don't see it again for about a week, then I swear I see it, but your Dada can't. What's the deal?

Today the whole left corner is sticking out. Or it would be the right corner if I were in your mouth. Will I see it tomorrow?

Stay tuned.

Crybaby

All day long, we were at your mercy CanineToothCrybaby. I can actually say that I can sympathize, because my wisdom teeth are coming in and it sucks. We gave you some Tylenol, teething toys. We pretty much let you chew on anything that couldn't possibly make you sick or kill you.

I don't know what else to do for you. I wish I could MacGuyver up some sort of miracle tooth-pain concoction for you, but I don't got skillz. I hope you feel better today because Mama's pain in her tooth and pain in her head doesn't leave room for a pain-in-the-ass.

Channeling Rip Van Winkle

Little Snoozy Boy! You took a 2 hour nap last night before we got home. You were in bed by 8:00 and only woke up once for about 5 minutes last night. Thank you for sleeping in until 7:30. That's always an unexpected treat.

But, uh, dang little dude. That's a lot of sleeping. You didn't even sleep that much as a newborn. I hope this is about your teeth and not a sign of illness.

Klingon Overlord

I'm sorry your teeth hurt Little Buddy. I really am. I know it's been a long time since my teeth were all growing in for the first time, but I do have an inkling of what you're going through.

What I'm confused about is what clinging to me every second of every day is supposed to do to help you. Do you realize that I'm actually relieved to go to work because your added 16 pounds is a lot more tiring than anything my work day would have to offer?

Cut your poor old mom some slack, kid.