Quotes From The Week

This last week I've been on vacation.  That means I've spent most of my waking moments with my destructive, back-talking maniacs sweet angel children. Here are my favorite quotes from the week courtesy of WandaWordsmith:

Tuesday:

We took her in for a speech evaluation (finally, I know) where she was walked through a series of pictures and she was asked to discern whether the pictured item was a food or a toy.  She did spectacularly; she only missed one:

[Orange]
Wanda: It's a toy.
SpeechEvaluator: No, that one's an orange.  It's a food...
Wanda: No, orange is a toy.  It's for juggling.

Wednesday:

When I opened her door in the morning, I noticed that she was clutching her blanket.  A guilty expression crossed her face for a split second, then she hands it to me.

Wanda: It's wet Mama.
Awesomeness: *drops the blanket to the floor* How did it get wet?  Did you peepee your bed?
Wanda: NO!!  I NOT PEEPEE!!!
Awesomeness: How did it get wet then?
Wanda: You see my woody?
Awesomeness: ?!
Awesomeness: ...
Awesomeness: *finally understands...gimme a break, it was 5:30 in the morning* You're missing your Cowboy Woody doll?
Wanda: Yeah.
Awesomeness: Does that have something to do with why your blanket is wet?
Wanda: Yeah.
Awesomeness: Are you saying that Woody peepeed your blanket?
Wanda: Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaah....

Thursday:

She was having...health issues.  For the sake of sparing you all, I will insinuate only that a) yes, indeed, the word "explosive" can be applied to her...health issue when it appears on every square inch of the bathroom b) it took 1/2 a container of Clorox wipes to get my bathroom right again c) it took a half hour long shower for me to feel clean again after wiping it all up d) I still won't walk barefoot across the floor. Bleh!

While the massive clean up effort was going on I asked her to wait for me in the bathtub, because she was going to get hosed down next.  She kept trying to get out and finally I'd had enough:

Awesomeness: You stay in that bathtub and don't try to get out again, young lady!
Wanda: No!!  I not a lady anymore!
Awesomeness: *looked down at the 5 more gallons of...health issues...I still needed to clean up* Yeah.  I would say that's pretty accurate right now.

Friday:

Mr. A and I were just discussing the pleasant prospect of dealing with a no nap baby for the next 5 hours.  The kid got up late, he's eaten like a shark all day and has been running around playing like a normal kid (for once...).

Mr. A: Still no nap, huh?
Awesomeness: No.  You know he'll pull that dick move where he wants to nap 2 hours before bedtime.
Mr. A: Should be fun!
Mr. A (to NoNapNorman): You will stay awake until bedtime, child!
Wanda: You calm down now, Daddy.
Mr. A: ...
Mr. A: I'm just going to walk away.

Goodbye 2009

Good riddance.

The last week of the year was 2009's way of throwing one last flying elbow into our chests.

NuclearHeadNelly got up to 105.8 degrees on Tuesday.  We took her in to urgent care to see if they knew what was wrong and could help her in any way.  Of course, when we get her there, her temp had dropped to 97.  There's nothing for them to do for a kid that isn't presenting any symptoms, so we just took her home.

The next day, she was back up past 105 again.  We took her to see her regular doctor who promptly sent us on our way to the children's hospital for some blood work.  Whew! Action!! Action is my favorite.

Because our kid is stubborn -- her name even means "spirit of battle" and she earned it in the womb -- she somehow willed her veins not to dispense blood.  It took 4 arm pokes for them to even find a vein, then 3 nurses had to hold her in position while they forced the vein to give up the goods.  Even then, it took over an hour for them to get 2 small vials of blood from her.

She hated being there with a passion.  She cried to go home.  Even when her temperature dropped to 95 degrees, then leaped back up to 104.5, she was begging to go.  This, of course, lead to a hunger strike, which added to the misery of the hospital experience, because now she's also starving.

Two days of being in the hospital, 2 coloring books and a yellow balloon later, she's fine and back home.  I'm just sore that 2009 decided to kick us in the nuts this one last time before giving it up.

Here's hoping that 2010 is a year of good health.

We Have Temporarily Exorcised The Demon

The flu came to visit us this last month.  Just as I was finally getting some decent sleep, the flu kicked down our door and viciously attacked my kids.  It was a nightmare of 105 degree fevers, vomiting, turning our bathroom into a sauna, humidifiers, and secondary infection.

Before it was over, ChrissyCoughs-A-Lot has gotten: the flu, a double ear infection and a urinary tract infection.  We learned one very important lesson with that: stop waiting for her to display abnormal symptoms or behaviors before calling for a doctor appointment.

We have, until now, operated on the assumption that we could just handle everything at home.  We both agreed that taking her out just put other people at risk for being infected by her.  Also, though, we didn't want her to pick up something worse in a waiting room.

Well, our reasoning got us a kid that was a lot sicker than she needed to be.  Now she's taking an antibiotic (that some idiot, who will remain nameless, let's just say she's normally totally awesome...ahem, left out on the counter overnight so she had to start her dosages over again) and she is doing much better.

The scary part of this story is that she really wasn't acting abnormally.  Even when her fever was leveled off at 103, she still chased her brother around the house and threw the mother of all tantrums when we wouldn't let her play outside.  She was not giving us any reason to suspect that her ears or her....anyway, that anything hurt her.

She's back at school now.  Which only means that we need to stock up on more fever reducer, because I'm sure the flu liked it here and will probably be visiting again soon.

What's That Shiny Sharp Thing?

If my son could type, this is what he would blog about today:

6:30 a.m. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnn!  I'm not ready to get up.  Oh man, there's that old lady again.  Where's Mama going?  WWWWAAAAAAAAHHHH!

12:30 p.m. Hey!  It's Mama!! Mama!  Mama!  Why are you putting clothes on me?  I hate clothes.  I. Don't. Want. Clothes.  I'll wiggle around and be a noodle so I don't have to get clothes on.  Drat.  She's stronger than me.  Where are we going?

1:30 p.m. What's this room?  It has a cool picture of a doggy thing on the wall.  What's this padded bench thing?  Ooooooh!  Crinkly paper!

1:35 p.m. Who are you and why are you sticking that doohickey on my head?  Yeah, you better run away.

1:40 p.m. Now who's this person?  Why are you putting that cold thing on my chest?  Get that thing outta my ear!!  Oh, now you're gonna shine a light in my eye?  Well, let me tell ya lady, I......are you taking my diaper off?  DO. I. KNOW. YOU?  Oh, now you're gonna run away?

1:42 p.m. Oh?  Back for more forehead doohickey lady?  Well, let me tell you, I've had just about enough of.........OH MY GOD!  I just got stabbed in the leg.  OH MY GOD!  I just got stabbed in the other leg.  Mama!  Waaaaaahhhh!  I want up!  OH MY GOD!  That bitch just stabbed me in the arm!  Get me outta here, I'm under attack!  OH MY GOD!  She just got the other arm!  You're not even trying to fight her off.  Some mother you are.

Name That Rash

Welcome to everyone's favorite game show, Name That Rash. I'm your awesome host. Let's get started. Today's rash looks like this:

I'll give you a hint: it's not roseola. The next hint: doctor says it's a virus. The last hint: it started on her knees.

Somewhere? Anywhere?

My little GoGoGirl is getting all kinds of spoiled on leaving the house several times during the week now. Every day she thinks we should go bye-bye. This morning I found out she doesn't even care where we're going, she just wants to leave.

When I went in to her room this morning:

"We're going to the blue house?" (her name for school)
"Nope. Not today baby."
"We're going to the store?"
"Not if I can help it."
"We're going to the doctor?"
"Nope, not going to .... what'd you say? Where're we going?"
"We're going to the doctor!"
"What the hell! You hate the doctor!"
"No, no, no! I luvva doctor!"
"No you don't. You cried when we were there."
"No, no, no! I luvva doctor!"
"You're crazy."