Faux-hawk Hero

HairyHarry needed a haircut.  He was starting to look really shaggy and my horrible haircutting atrocities that I thought I'd so cleverly hidden were starting to shine through.  It was time to take action.

This is a picture from a couple of days ago:

Look at his sweet little curls.  I hate to cut them off, but I know I would go ballistic the first time someone commented on my "sweet little girl" so I had to do it.

I decided to get it over with this morning after their bath, but before I lost my nerve.  I hate cutting my kids' hair.  It's really evident afterward that I shouldn't handle anything more dangerous than safety scissors.  Despite better judgement, I start hacking away...

...and he starts squirming and screaming bloody murder.  Twenty minutes later, and ten minutes of Mr. A holding him down, he looks like someone attacked him with a weed whacker.  I can't send him to school like that.  All the other 2-year-olds will make fun of him.

Later, I get the idea that I could easily even things out with Mr. A's beard trimmer.  (Every mom who is reading this is facepalming right here.)  I can give you the soundtrack of how that went:

bzzzzzzzzzzzz

Shit.

bzzzzzzzzzzz

Shit!

bzzzzzzzzzzz

Oh, shit.

And so on, for about 15 minutes.

It was clear that there was no easy way to get through this one, so I just said, "fuck it."

bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I'm going to have to keep this kid in hair gel to make it look like this was what I was going for the whole time. The fact that it wasn't will just be our secret.

Green Eggs And Ham For Breakfast

Breakfast is really granola this morning, but we're watching the '70s cartoon adaptation of Green Eggs and Ham at the same time.

HenryHollers-a-lot likes to "sing" along with the songs, which I find cute.  Apparently ShushyShirley does not appreciate his enthusiasm.

Henry: AHHHH AH BAH BAH BAH!
Shirley: STOP YELLING!!
Henry: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO YES!
Shirley: YOU NO YELL BUDDY!  I CAN'T HEAR MY MOOBIE!!
Henry: AH BAH BAH BAH BAH!
Shirley: You are a bad BABY!

She explodes out of her chair and grabs her brother, dragging him away from his breakfast.

Awesomeness: What are you doing?  Let your brother eat his food.
Shirley: He keep yelling at the moobie.  He needs to go to time out.

Generally Speaking

Today, in the kids' speech therapy, LiteralLulu was playing a game that challenged her to think about the general categories of objects on a flashcard.  She was doing great until she got a card where the items seemed unrelated to her at first.

Speech Therapist: Okay, Lulu, what do you see here?
LiteralLulu: I see a lettuce (actually this is peas, but she calls all green vegetables lettuce...), a (green) frog, a (green) tree, and Oscar the Grouch (also green).
Speech Therapist: Why are all of those things the same?
LiteralLulu: Nooooooo, those things are different.
Speech Therapist: They seem different, but they have something in common.  Do you know what that is?
LiteralLulu: Well.........um........
Speech Therapist: (trying to be helpful) These are all the same because these are all....
LiteralLulu: THINGS!

*facepalm*

I'll Get Right On That

This morning was not good for me.  After an entire week of having half the world in my face from sun up to sun down, my mind and body just crashed and burned.  I got the kids up, thinking I could manage if I could get them fed and then engaged in something.  No, I was done.  I needed more sleep.

That's what I thought I needed anyway, DoctorDotty had a different opinion.

DoctorDotty: What you doin' Mama?
Awesomeness: I need more rest sweetie, so I'm just going to lie here for a while.
DoctorDotty: You no go to sleep Mama!
Awesomeness: I really need sleep honey.  If you need something, can you get your dad please?
DoctorDotty: Mama, you need go poopoo.
Awesomeness: I don't honey.  I don't feel like I have to go poopoo at all.
DoctorDotty: Yes Mama.  You need go poopoo so you feel better.

What do you say to that?  I just threw a blanket over my head and went to sleep.

Good Night Moon

Last Christmas, BedtimeBetty's dad gave her the moon.  A Moon In My Room, anyway.  Even after a year, she's still excited about her moon and spends time every night clicking it to whichever phase makes her most happy.  Last night her moon -- and her heart -- broke.

BedtimeBetty: I want my moooooooon! 
Awesomeness: Aw, don't cry baby, you can see your moon tomorrow.
Mr. Awesomeness: Your moon is broken honey.  We need to fix it.
BedtimeBetty: You fix my moon please? 
Mr. Awesomeness: We can't fix it right now, we need to go to the store to fix your moon.
Awesomeness: The store is closed right now, baby girl.
Mr. Awesomeness: And it's on fire.
Awesomeness: And it's been abducted by aliens.
Mr. Awesomeness: Don't worry honey.  Tomorrow the aliens will return the store and put out the fire.  Ni' night.

We checked this morning and sure enough, the store is exactly where it should be.  It's also not on fire.

Parroting The Parody

The Cat What?

TashaTattleTale: Mama! Mama!  The kitty has a rock.
Awesomeness: Uh.  The kitty has a rock?  Is that what you said?
TashaTattleTale: Yeah! The kitty has a rock.
Awesomeness: Okaaaaay.  Thanks for letting me know.

I look at the cat, who does not appear to have anything that even remotely looks like a rock.  I have no idea what this kid is talking about.

TashaTattleTale: The kitty sit on himself.
Awesomeness: What the wha?  The kitty sat on herself?
TashaTattleTale: Yeah, he was on the stairs and he sat on himself.

Duly noted.....

A few minutes later:

TashaTattleTale: We need go wash my foot.  It's stinky.
Awesomeness: How did your foot get stinky?
TashaTattleTale: Kitty peed the floor and I step in it.
Awesomeness: .......

I had her show me where the alleged cat pee was and there was nothing.  Odd.

About a half an hour later the kids' speech therapist came over and the cat decided she was going to be friendly today.  This is when I noticed a piece of crap stuck to the cat's butt.

"The kitty sit on himself."  Yes, she did indeed shit on herself.  I'm also thinking we solved the mystery of the "rock" the kitty had.  The cat pee?  I haven't found it yet and I'm not looking for it.

The Lardass

Last night when we got home:

MollyWordMangler: Mama!  Mama!  Can I watch the lardass?
Awesomeness: Um......can you watch what, honey?
MollyWordMangler: The lardass!
Awesomeness: You want to watch the lardass?
MollyWordMangler: Yeah! Yeah!  Let's watch the lardass!!
Awesomeness: I'm not sure I know that one.  Can you tell me which one it is?
MollyWordMangler: It's the lardass.  He speak for the trees!
Awesomeness: You want to watch The Lorax?
MollyWordMangler: Yeah! The lardass!  He speak for the trees.

The Rules

We've been working with the kids a lot lately with their speech (why I haven't found time for, say, updating blogs).  They're both pretty far behind where they should be for their age groups, so we've picked up a speech therapist who gives us homework for the kids every week.

This week RachelRuleLearner is learning how to pay attention to two-part rules and instructions; this lesson includes repeating them back to us.  This is not one of Rachel's strengths.  Usually, these conversations go like this:

Awesomeness: Please pick up your shoes and put them on the stairs.  Tell mama what you're going to do.
RachelRuleLearner: I run in my shoes.  
Awesomeness: What are you doing with your shoes right now?
RachelRuleLearner: I wear my shoes to school.
Awesomeness: That's what you did today with your shoes.  Right now, you need to take your shoes off and put them on the stairs.  What do you need to do with your shoes?
RachelRuleLearner: I need to clean my shoes.  They're dirty, bleeeech!
Awesomeness: That's not what we're doing right now with your shoes.  Right now, we're taking your shoes off and putting them on the stairs.  Tell mama what you need to do with your shoes.
RachelRuleLearner: I kick a ball with my shoes!

By this time, I'm seriously frustrated.  I want to kill the shoes with fire.  I pretty much want to kill all shoes with fire at this point.

Obviously though, something that we desperately need to work on with her.  Today, the instruction had to do with her potty training.  She gets distracted when she's having too much fun with something and sometimes she doesn't quite make it to the toilet because she waits until the last minute.  She wanted to play on the computer* and that gives her the biggest challenge when it comes to the potty problem.  So we set rules:

Mr. Awesomeness: Rachel, when you're playing your games and you feel like you need to go potty, what do you do?
RachelRuleLearner: I run to the toilet right away.
Awesomeness: That's right!  What happens if you don't go to the toilet right away?
RachelRuleLearner: I run to the toilet right away.
Awesomeness: If you go peepee or poopoo on the floor, the computer is getting turned off.  Now what happens if you go peepee or poopoo on the floor?
RachelRuleLearner: Dada spank my ass.
Awesomeness:..........
Mr. Awesomeness:...........

Just when we think she doesn't pay attention...


*For any parents of younger kids: Firefox has a browser extension called Kidzui.  It's a collection of kid-friendly websites (Nick Jr., Sesame Street, Discovery Kids, etc.) that they lock into a special safe browser, so no accidentally clicking on viruses or porn sites.

Back Seat Road Rage

I'm starting to think that Mr. A needs to hold his temper a little more in traffic.  TerraTrafficTerror sits right behind him and has nothing better to do but yell from the backseat:

Hey!  Get outta the way dude!

Honka horn Dada.

WHOA!  Whatta jerk.