Survival 101

CaveBabyCalvin doesn't talk.  He's just over a month away from his second birthday and he just grunts and cries when he wants something.  We're trying not to freak out too much about it, because his sister was pretty much the same way.

We're working with him though.  So far: we read to him, we name everything he touches, but we have also put together a collection of pictures in different categories so we can show them on our TV to CaveBaby.  He, like most kids, will pay attention to anything on the TV.

The bigger of the folders is for animals.  What kid doesn't like animals?  It turns into a family event, where even AnnieAnimalLover gets involved.  We're then able to bring up a picture and name the animal for Calvin and then discuss other facts about the animals with Annie.

Camel, buddy!  That's a camel.  He lives in the desert, Annie.

 And so on.  For whatever reason, Mr. A decided to turn tonight's picture show into an episode of Survivorman For Babies.  Then I had to be a smartass and it turned into an episode of When Good Kids Go Bad.  Here's how that played out:

Mr. A: Look! A snake!  Ssssssnake.  Annie, what do you do when you see a snake?

Annie: I dunno Daddy.

Mr. A: You run away.  You always run away from a snake.  A snake will bite you and you'll get hurt.

Annie: A snake is very ouchie.

Mr. A: That's right, so when you see a snake, you run away.

Mr. A: Spi-der.  Spi-der.  You also run away from a spider, Annie.  Run away and tell daddy when you see a spider.

Annie:  I run away from the spider.

Mr. A: Fla-min-go.  That's a flamingo.

Awesomeness: When you see a flamingo, you run away.  Flamingos are dangerous.

Annie: Oh no!  Flamingos!  I run away from flamingos.

Mr. A: *Shoots me a dirty look.*  Really?

Awesomeness: Look at them.  They're pink because they're bathed in blood. (blah, blah, blah ... because they eat shrimp ... that's not nearly as funny)

Annie: Flamingo is very ouchie.

Mr. A: That's a seahorse.  Sea-horse.

Annie: I luvva seahorse!

Mr. A: Great!  When you see a seahorse, you put a saddle on him and take him for a ride.

Awesomeness: Mine was funnier.

Mr. A: ...I think that's a monkey.

Awesomeness: It's clearly a lemur.  Look at that pizazz!  He obviously likes to move it, move it.

Mr. A: He looks like he's saying, "What's up motherfucker?!"

Awesomeness: He's saying, "I'm on the deck with my boys motherfucker."

Annie: Yeah motherfutter.

Mr. A: .... um

Awesomeness: Next picture please.