Yep. My kids are going to need some therapy when we get done with them. Today's reason:
Every once in a while, PeggyPeePeePants will get too involved in whatever she's doing and forget to go to the bathroom until the last minute. A year ago, we let her slide on that. She'd just gotten the hang of going on the toilet, so we figured she needed a break. Now, however, she's 4 years old. She's been potty trained for well over a year now. There's no excuse for it.
Slowly over the last year it became obvious to us that this problem wasn't resolving itself so we needed to step in. Behaviorists we read up on had us reward her for going on the potty. To that, I'll say, "That's not for my kid." It just doesn't work. We tried stickers, treats, stickers and treats, fake tattoos, extra computer time. All sorts of fun things. We were consistent with each reward and gave each one more than enough time to work. Nothing.
This isn't to say that she doesn't go on the toilet the majority of the time. She just has bad days. Days where she goes through, on average, six pairs of underpants because she started going on her way to the toilet. It's frustrating for her and frustrating for us. So, when rewarding didn't work out, we tried punishment.
Time out. STRIKE ONE. Spanking. STRIKE TWO. Grounding from cartoons/computer games/coloring and other enjoyable passtimes. STRIKE THREE. YEEEEEEER OUT!
Regrouping ... Thinking ...
Stand in the corner. STRIKE ONE. Make her wear her dirty panties. EJECTED FROM THE GAME EARLY ON. Well, shit...
Make her wear her daddy's clothes? HOMERUN!!
This morning she peed her panties, then somehow got her dress in the toilet. I didn't have another outfit downstairs and I wasn't about to run upstairs for another one, so I just grabbed one of her daddy's t-shirts and slapped it on her. Listening to her carry on about it, you would think I stuck a rotting skunk carcass on the kid (you'll know I'm desperate when I actually do this).
PPPP: I don't wanna wear this. This not a dress. It's daddy's.
Awesomeness: Well, that's too bad honey. You shouldn't have put your dress in the toilet.
PPPP: I wanna wear my clothes. PWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE Mama!
Awesomeness: I'll put your clothes on you when you stop sticking them in the toilet. Until then you get to wear your daddy's shirt.
PPPP: I WANT MY CLOTHES NOW MAMA!
Awesomeness: Really? Let's go show your daddy your new dress and see if he likes it.
I take her by her arm and lead her down the hallway to Mr. A's office.
PPPP: NO! Dada, don't look at me!
She curls up in a little ball in the corner of the hallway to avoid being seen.
Mr. A: Huh. She used to like wearing my shirts.
Awesomeness: Yeah, not so much anymore. Now she's totally embarrassed to be seen in your stuff, dude.
Mr. A: I wonder if we could get her school to cooperate with her new dress code.
Awesomeness: It would probably be harder for them to keep it on her. We could make her a special dress. An ugly, gray one with a big red 'P' on the chest. You know, for Pants Pisser.
Mr. A: I don't think she'd understand. It would have to be something she doesn't like.
Awesomeness: She doesn't like meat. We could just hang a steak around her neck.
I wonder how much therapy will cost in the year 2024...
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