I love Nick Jr. Most of the time. Most of the time, they play fantastic programming that helps my kids learn an amazing amount of information. Sometimes, though, there's a 30-odd-year old dick on there singing about wanting to be a polar bear.
I've always had a certain amount of hatred for grown-ups who sing kid songs. Even when I was a kid, I wondered how the hell their life went that wrong.
So now PennyPretender wants to be a polar bear. That leads to this discussion:
PennyPretender: Mama, I want to be a polar bear!
Awesomeness: Ohmigod!! Then go be a polar bear! (I was eating dinner.)
PennyPretender: Mama, you want to be a polar bear too?
Awesomeness: No, honey. It's too cold where polar bears live. Snow is too cold for me.
PennyPretender: What kind of bear are you?
Awesomeness: I would be a grizzly bear.
PennyPretender: And what kind of bear is brother?
Awesomeness: He can be a koala bear (no lectures about what constitutes a "bear").
PennyPretender: So, I am a polar bear and you are a grizzly bear (it actually sounded like "greasy bear") and brother is a koala bear.
So, now that we had that all settled, I thought I could go back to eating dinner. I was only right for about 10 seconds before FreddyFishNabber decided to steal his sister's Goldfish crackers.
PennyPretender: NO! NO! THAT'S A BAD KOALA BEAR!! Mama, tell Koala Bear that koalas don't eat fish, they eat leaves.
Uh, yeah. It's one of those moments when I want to concentrate on being super impressed about the fact that she knows what koalas eat, but can't because I have to mediate. Explaining to a 2-year old that he's going to have to munch on koala-appropriate leaves is not an option. Explaining to a 5-year old that koala bears sometimes eat fish seemed like a better idea at the time.
PennyPretender: Daddy! Daddy! I am a polar bear and I live in the snow. Freddy is a koala bear. He eats leaves and fish.
Mr. Awesomeness: Koala bears don't eat fish, where did you hear that?
This is almost like the time that she ate stale popcorn out of the backseat of the car and I absent-mindedly told her that, "When things don't taste good, they're probably not very good for you."
Parenting Fail # 163.